If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have already put on my inside pants.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
