What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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