I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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