i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
