WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
