thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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