I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
