I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
