..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
