first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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