I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize