Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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