can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
