I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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