I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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