3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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