I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
