I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
