I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
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WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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