Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
