good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
