I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
