I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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