Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
