Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
