my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
zippers are such a cool invention
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
