ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize