Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
