my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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