You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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