I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
