I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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