she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
