so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
