what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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