Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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