as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
