you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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