Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
