How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
