Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
