dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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