That's when you crack a 10am beer
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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