So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
