and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsš
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel kind of like weāre in a gang and tonight is one of those āpeople are gonna know not to fuck with usā type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. Iām not really sure how I got to this point in my lifeā¦ but I like it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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