Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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