How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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