My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
whose parrot is this?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
