you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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