Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
