i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
