I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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