Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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