i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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