So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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