There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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