your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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