Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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