I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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