dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
