your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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