I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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