Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
