I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
