I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
