My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Randomize
